The Birds of Dusk

Hola amigos...The following post is a very vague attempt by yours' truly to get back from the hopeless track of the previous posts as a lot of my friends had been complaining about its contents being too depressing!! So i jus thought of writing a poem of sorts (which turned out to be crap btw) that is supposed to depict a dusk and hopefully, the dawning in the form of newer posts that will be much more non-depressing!! hehe....

The birds of dusk fill the sky with sound
carried on the air stirred by their joyous flight
the woods resonate with the serenading of tiny tree frogs
Greeting and meeting one another
in their nightly boisterous celebration of life

Another day is torn from the calendar of my life’s pages
its stories scrawled in indelible ink
tucked in between the books that line the library of my mind

Memories fresh become photographs
moments caught for a breath
of laughter and giggles
Framed along the walls of yesterday’s rooms
That are scattered within my soul’s heart-
my quiet place I can reflect
smiling through the images once again
long after time has spent the days
and the glory of the sun has burnt to a glow
fading the smiles, but never the love
that defies the laws of nature and reason.

TRAPPED!!!!

Deprived of almost all kinds of happiness the world could offer, I grew carrying heavy loads upon my shoulder not knowing when will I rest and be freed. [Twenty] years were over and yet I still find myself hanging on the firmament with nowhere to have landing at. I’m dying within. Slowly, these monsters eat my soul, my flesh, and my all.

I long wanted to wake up, believing all was just a dream, an illusion, a nightmare. But I could feel the numbing pain triggered by a slap from my own palm. I am awake, these are not imaginary. I am alive. And no, I can’t take this. All I wanted is to be freed from the bondage of my internal struggles. Missing pieces for all I know are just scattered out there to complete the puzzle of my life. But I am blinded by those inconsistent idiosyncrasies inherent within me, buried deep down my being. I never know of any way to escape from these realities that encroach my normalcy. None ever.

Life inside a box is no surprise. Far beyond what human eyes could see, exists an independent reality that only few can reach, only selected few. Far beyond what mortal mind could perceive lies a blissful living hereafter. But right in front of me is a glass reflecting an unknown being, cut off from his being, torn between life and death — the most misunderstood among the fools. And no single magical word could even break the curse or whatever it may be, that runs along my veins with its objectionable viscosity that soon will clog and leave me down on my grave. Obnoxious. Exasperating.

Vicissitude is all I’m dreaming of. I never wished that I was not born. Though I suffer, I only wanted a change of fortune. And that is how shallow I am. Being thrown at the nadir of existence, a single drop of light, of hope, seems everything to me. Since time immemorial, I have left my physical body into astray, with my soul going nowhere, starring as the vagabond. The keystone to end my quest seems gone for forever. And it’s going to be suicidal finding it! Many believe I am promising and yet I can’t see any reason why they do. All I know is that I’m tired of being here. I straddle between things I love to do and those I must do. It’s hard to drive other people’s vessel. It’s hard to carry the burden not meant for you, maybe inherited or acquired.

After all, I am not clear to you as I am unclear to myself. This is just an expression of loneliness, desperation, and guilt to get rid of unnecessary emotions. I did not intend to could your day. The internal turmoil that haunts me is just one of my nuts to crack. It’s already a bit late into the night for my mother's liking. I just retire from reality and now I’m coming back. All were just exaggerations of one fact: I can do better if I will. I can move on if I will. I am just a stationary escalator at this moment!

(Sorry dear friend happy nuts.... wud keep in mind what u said the next time around... had to post this one too...hehe.. :) )

I realised.................

No one knows I’m in pain. If only I have wealth, Vicodin would have taken care of this mess.

Sometimes, we see the worst version of ourselves. It’s unbecoming. It’s unacceptable, at least against your own standards, self-imposed.

I have learned lately that being emotional is being self-centered. We always make ourselves the most pitiful, leading role character in the story. A small problem might mean heavier than the world’s.

That was what happened to me exactly. Very erratic, heart-breaking. Sometimes, we expect the world will go our way, but most of the times it will not.

The world is full of cyclamates and saccharine. Sweeteners, but artificial. Once we thought they really are good, but we were just enticed.

You cant Bring ME down!!!

I dunno where, but i came across an interesting article somewhere where they were pressing on the need to be thankful to everyone around us.. because each and everyone has played a small part in moulding us into what we are today... it made me think, and maybe they were right..
Thanks to those who hate me, you made me a stronger person.
Thanks to those who love me, you made my heart bigger. Thanks to those who envied me, you made my self-esteem grow.
Thanks to those who cared, you made me feel important.
Thanks to those who worried, you let me know that some of you actually care.
Thanks to those who left, you showed me that not everything lasts.
Thanks to those who stayed, you showed me the meaning of true friendship.
Thanks to those who entered my life, you made me who I am today.

A little message to those sad people who cannot see that beauty is skin deep and shines from within... its all the insecurities that u have inside that make u hate or become jealous and envy other people Never take for granted what God has bestowed upon u and never hate someone else for what god has gifted them with... There will always be someone thats is more blessed than u; just learn to admire that beauty and dont hate on it just beacuse it wasnt given to u... what u guys cant see is that everyone is beautiful in their own way... some may be more so externally than others but that does not make them better than anyone else... never bring urself down by hating cos jealousy is one of the deadly sins, but if still this has made no sense to u whatsoever then u can hate as much as u like because people like u do not phase me.. i am way too better than that and will never bring myself down to ur standards.... PEACE

Walking on this lonely road................

Walking on this lonely road, with home still so far from my sight. Alone on this fruitless excursion, all is wrong that once seemed right. I don’t want to feel defeated again,Neither do I want to say goodbye.I want to reach my home,But i'm too tired to walk; I want to fly. Take me away from here,Take me anywhere you want.I’ll run away from this place,till the memories no longer haunt. Time is slipping away from me,watching me as I gather my pieces.

You chose this path for both of us, and I thought you’ll be walking too.Now you say that you can’t walk with me, or is it that you never wanted to? I have seen the mighty fall on this path,anf thefallen are right back on track.One thing that I will never see, is you taking your words back.My body is covered with the ashes, Of the desires that you’ve burned. Is this my moment of yet another loss ,or is it just another lesson to be learned.? Days are so hard to pass,So I thought to walk alone at night.I thought I’ll save myself from the sun, but here I am now, burnt by the moonlight.This place around,it looks so familiar,I’ve been to this deserted town.The hand that I thought belonged to my saviour was the one pushing me down. U can put me on blame for all the things,cause I’m happy to do that for you. All the failures along the path,the words cant really put them on display.Somehow I have reached your place,maybe you can open the door and blow me away.You’ve built your castle of bliss on the graveyard of my dreams. Leave some space to bury me there,in the loving memory of my screams.....

To those who loved, yet...!!!

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart. If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love her/him, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different. If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time. Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away. Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life. Don't deny love just only you don't want to be hurt... IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN, IT WILL COME AGAIN

An easy world???

A culture of instant gratification, instant gains and rewards is making the world go round. We r so used to getting what want, we expect life to hand everything on a silver platter, gift-wrapped at that!! A voice in the head keeps clamouring that the world is urs for the taking. But, this over-blown self-absorption and delusion of self-worth has no connection with reality. After all u r certain of eventual success and believe u must be a very important person, but by virtue of what??? Not only does the tendency to take things for granted hinder your growth up the ladder but you end up not even achieving what you want.

Sorry to burst the bubble in which you may be living, but no matter what u think u deserve, u will not get it merely by expecting it to be handed out to u. Everyone has to pay thier dues at the altar of hard work; efficiency and perseverence before they can even hope to attain success. so drop the notion that you have a 'right' to be given everything and check whether achievements are commensurate with your extraordinary sense of entitlement. its time to step up to the plate and prove ur worth instead of feeling entitled to it because of your aptitude, qualifications or piggybacking on some other prerogative. Please endeavour to lose ur sense of entitlement.At the end of this, u might just be wondering why i wrote this piece..right?? well to be frank its what i find around me..and i hope u agree this is what u find around u too..and dont ask me who and who..cause i may jus spell out your name first, or maybe your friend's name..or even the names of the distinguished faculties in our reputed college... Give it a thought guys...!!!