Deprived of almost all kinds of happiness the world could offer, I grew carrying heavy loads upon my shoulder not knowing when will I rest and be freed. [Twenty] years were over and yet I still find myself hanging on the firmament with nowhere to have landing at. I’m dying within. Slowly, these monsters eat my soul, my flesh, and my all.
I long wanted to wake up, believing all was just a dream, an illusion, a nightmare. But I could feel the numbing pain triggered by a slap from my own palm. I am awake, these are not imaginary. I am alive. And no, I can’t take this. All I wanted is to be freed from the bondage of my internal struggles. Missing pieces for all I know are just scattered out there to complete the puzzle of my life. But I am blinded by those inconsistent idiosyncrasies inherent within me, buried deep down my being. I never know of any way to escape from these realities that encroach my normalcy. None ever.
Life inside a box is no surprise. Far beyond what human eyes could see, exists an independent reality that only few can reach, only selected few. Far beyond what mortal mind could perceive lies a blissful living hereafter. But right in front of me is a glass reflecting an unknown being, cut off from his being, torn between life and death — the most misunderstood among the fools. And no single magical word could even break the curse or whatever it may be, that runs along my veins with its objectionable viscosity that soon will clog and leave me down on my grave. Obnoxious. Exasperating.
Vicissitude is all I’m dreaming of. I never wished that I was not born. Though I suffer, I only wanted a change of fortune. And that is how shallow I am. Being thrown at the nadir of existence, a single drop of light, of hope, seems everything to me. Since time immemorial, I have left my physical body into astray, with my soul going nowhere, starring as the vagabond. The keystone to end my quest seems gone for forever. And it’s going to be suicidal finding it! Many believe I am promising and yet I can’t see any reason why they do. All I know is that I’m tired of being here. I straddle between things I love to do and those I must do. It’s hard to drive other people’s vessel. It’s hard to carry the burden not meant for you, maybe inherited or acquired.
After all, I am not clear to you as I am unclear to myself. This is just an expression of loneliness, desperation, and guilt to get rid of unnecessary emotions. I did not intend to could your day. The internal turmoil that haunts me is just one of my nuts to crack. It’s already a bit late into the night for my mother's liking. I just retire from reality and now I’m coming back. All were just exaggerations of one fact: I can do better if I will. I can move on if I will. I am just a stationary escalator at this moment!
(Sorry dear friend happy nuts.... wud keep in mind what u said the next time around... had to post this one too...hehe.. :) )
I long wanted to wake up, believing all was just a dream, an illusion, a nightmare. But I could feel the numbing pain triggered by a slap from my own palm. I am awake, these are not imaginary. I am alive. And no, I can’t take this. All I wanted is to be freed from the bondage of my internal struggles. Missing pieces for all I know are just scattered out there to complete the puzzle of my life. But I am blinded by those inconsistent idiosyncrasies inherent within me, buried deep down my being. I never know of any way to escape from these realities that encroach my normalcy. None ever.
Life inside a box is no surprise. Far beyond what human eyes could see, exists an independent reality that only few can reach, only selected few. Far beyond what mortal mind could perceive lies a blissful living hereafter. But right in front of me is a glass reflecting an unknown being, cut off from his being, torn between life and death — the most misunderstood among the fools. And no single magical word could even break the curse or whatever it may be, that runs along my veins with its objectionable viscosity that soon will clog and leave me down on my grave. Obnoxious. Exasperating.
Vicissitude is all I’m dreaming of. I never wished that I was not born. Though I suffer, I only wanted a change of fortune. And that is how shallow I am. Being thrown at the nadir of existence, a single drop of light, of hope, seems everything to me. Since time immemorial, I have left my physical body into astray, with my soul going nowhere, starring as the vagabond. The keystone to end my quest seems gone for forever. And it’s going to be suicidal finding it! Many believe I am promising and yet I can’t see any reason why they do. All I know is that I’m tired of being here. I straddle between things I love to do and those I must do. It’s hard to drive other people’s vessel. It’s hard to carry the burden not meant for you, maybe inherited or acquired.
After all, I am not clear to you as I am unclear to myself. This is just an expression of loneliness, desperation, and guilt to get rid of unnecessary emotions. I did not intend to could your day. The internal turmoil that haunts me is just one of my nuts to crack. It’s already a bit late into the night for my mother's liking. I just retire from reality and now I’m coming back. All were just exaggerations of one fact: I can do better if I will. I can move on if I will. I am just a stationary escalator at this moment!
(Sorry dear friend happy nuts.... wud keep in mind what u said the next time around... had to post this one too...hehe.. :) )
