Monday, December 14, 2009

Life after firsts...!



There are in life a few moments that explode with the scent of memory as you jostle them in the attic where such things line the dusty aisles:

The first time you fumble your way into love. Your first day in the kitchen making tea. The first intense glimpse of order and purpose in the haphazard happenings of a string of days. The first time you notice the galaxy filled sky far from the haze of nightlights while lying on your terrace.

This is the first instant of sun over mountains after the endless minutes of predawn chill. This is the thrill of firsts.

Things never stay the same. The light shifts and whitens. At first it's just as exciting, as it scrolls through all the colors of evaporated gold. Still holy - still magic, yet very different from those firsts.

I've tried to live these moments in repeat, but it never works. You can climb the same mountain, but it doesn't look the same. The light changes. Hides.

Honestly - it's often a letdown to watch the light work its way back to ordinary. It takes a lot more work to see the glory of the mountain when the light pulls back out of your reach.

This is my dream: we don't have to live for firsts. I dream that somewhere again I can find a sunrise that goes beyond anything we've heard whispers of in the annals of beauty.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I've Been Tagged As Well......


Shanky's idea of making me update my blog. atleast he gave me a topic.. thanks dude.. The guy just tagged me with these questions and i'm supposed to answer it over truthfully... well seems fun..!

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Oh god.. i seriously need to shave!


2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?

Wait lemme check.. well have 180 + a few coins.. :) i'm rich.. yey!


3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

MORE

4. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

The one i've set for almost an year now. the effervescent theme song of d generation x. SUCK IT! :P


5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

Henna

6. What are you wearing right now?
A short shirt and 3\4 th..


7. Do you label yourself?

Like Rockstar..?... HBK? :P


9. Bright or Dark Room?

Doesnt matter really.. depends on wat i wanna do :D


10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

The dude is one of ma best friends and my partner in crimes at college. period.


11. What does your watch look like?
Well it was more elegant before i got the strap changed. still the blue dial with glistening frame and the timex tag contents me. afterall its a limited edition brett lee collection item :)

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Usualy i would be awake but yesterday, was sleeping.. lol!

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"If a lover is moon, then friends are like stars. Have you noticed that the sky can look beautiful without the moon but not without the stars"
Sender: Lakshmi
Sent: 14:46:
30
25-10-2009


14. What’s a word that you say a lot?

"oh pinneeeee..."


15. Who told you he/she loved you last? (Please exclude spouse, family, children)
cant even remember.. wait.... i don't think anyone's been considerate enough :(..


16. Last furry thing you touched
?
A rabbit dool which sarchi gifted me! sits pretty on my table...

17. Favorite age you have been so far?

Now! :)


18. What was the last thing you said to someone?

Just screamed at ma bro for pulling down my CD box :X

19. The last song you listened to?

Listening to Escape by enrique right now. before that 'pehli baar' from kaminey! :)


20. Where did you live in 1987?
In ma sweet mom's safe womb for a li'l part of 87 :)

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
Not a chance. But i do admire a lot and also hate a few.


22. Is anyone jealous of you?
Talk to the hand. :D

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times

Mera smile, ring and clothes :D..

24. What’s your favorite town/city?
Amsterdam and Trivandrum. :)


25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh...... 2 years back i guess!


26. Can you change the oil on a car?
Never tried. But i guess i can if i want. afterall i'm a mexx..


27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
Film actress shobana. :)).. while i was some 5-6 yrs old.. was so adamant in marrying her wen i grow up.. turns out she too ages wit tym. hehe

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
The 4th toe in ma left foot is twitching.mmmm.. just noticed!

29. What is your current desktop picture?

Wallpaper of newmoon picturing the gorgeous kristen stewart. ;)

30. Have you been burnt by love?

errr....sorry.. not literally! :D... shanky mone... read it on.. hehe..

Now am i supposed to tag another blogger?... mmmmm.. samurai suraj and dracuzz can try this :) rule says i need to tag 7 ppl... and post their blog links.. but you know wat.. ooooo.. i'm LAZY!!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Simple Joys!

Beware of the blogs i post while sitting alone at home with no job whatsoever, for lo, they often take on the melancholy and end up resembling nothing more than bad poetry.


Today I just played that mandy moore song in 'A Walk to Remember' and I danced; and it was good, but it made me ache for things I don’t have right now. Things that aren’t in my control, things that I can only attempt to gain by waiting and remaining open to new people. Two things that are not exactly easy for me. Sometimes I don’t understand the world today; the body language of flirting, the rules and the complex dance of showing interest without revealing yourself too soon. Maybe we should go back to the days of Little Women, like in the old movies, where the moral boys and girls always triumphed in the end. Where waiting was rewarded, flirting looked down upon and simple joys were encouraged.

Yet even that is not enough, because I like the simple joys of being able to ride a bike, having the right to vote and my increased chances of not dying in childbirth.Is there a way to connect all these things in simple lasting ways without reverting to old fashioned romanticism?

Friday, July 17, 2009

Scars ~~ How many of ya like 'em?? :)

Recently while flipping through some random magazine [yeah let it be RANDOM], I saw an in-depth article on how to get rid of or heal wounds, without those pesky scars. Now I understand that in some cases scars can be frustrating, especially if they are large enough or in visible enough locations that they cause embarrassment. But for me, I love my scars. First, scar tissue is actually stronger than normal tissue [ courtesy- my feeling sense :-D ], which means one could potentially become a superhero if one could find a way to (in a none gross manner) replace ones skin with scar tissue. Second, scars are like built in memories, they instant call to mind the places and circumstances of their creation. So here in no particular order are my own favorite scars:

Top of Knee – Who doesn’t have at least one memorable scar on their knee from childhood shenanigans? The reason I like this particular one is that I have such a vivid memory of acquiring it. I don’t remember how old I was, probably in that 8-10 range. But we were at a family summer vacation trip in Munnar at my uncle’s and I was cycling [probably still with my training wheels on) around a gravel curve and totally wiped out. This is probably memorable in that I was by myself when it happened, so I had to do the inspection of wound area all by myself and contain my tears until I reached my parents. Also this scar is kinda cool because I managed to actually gouge a small hole in my skin via gravel, which makes for a very cool raised scar.

Side of Right foot - This scar isn’t highly visible, it is more of a difference in skin tone, but once again the method of acquiring it is the best part. I actually picked the injury up from outta nowhere on a perfectly fyn examination day!!! Me and ma friends were hanging out at the alleyway of our school breathlessly reading through what we all jus crammed into our tiny tot heads the previous night and I came up wit a seemingly safe way of pulling the tension strings down. A small innocent plastic cup was my choice of a football and I chose to make the first kick too… and yeah I guess I made a hard one too... the only problem was that the cup was out there covering a projecting piece of steel bar [or whatever the hell it was, I had much much much more things to worry about].. the pain just kept increasing and needless to say my shiny little shoes got pierced too and the blood kept pumping out[ never thought so much blood flowed through ma stupid FOOT!!! Anyways, the pain got killed by a much more serious pain- embarrassment!! It healed up quickly though, and the only reason I can think of why the scar came up id that its after all a stupid FOOT!! The tissues won’t get patched up all too wonderful ya know.. Hmmmm…. Even more interestingly, the child-me picked up this one during ma 11th grade…

Forehead, a li’l right from the centre – Apparently Mr. Harry Potter ain’t the only one having that identity. Your’s truly do posses one, however hard to find it maybe these days. The thing is, I’m a lazy fellow and this post is going on too much for my liking… So, longstory short = fell flat out on the footpath for no particular reason[ I still wonder how] and hit straight on a small stone that was perfectly placed over there to get lodged into ma forehead. Seriously, I never felt anything, got up, brushed ma uniform and continued walking… But the no-job-people who can be found everywhere dint allow me!! [Never thought there were so many kind souls out there] They wanted to take me to a hosp!! GULP!! Oh no no…somehow I convinced them I don’t want that and so they laid me down in an auto and literally packed me home.. grrrr!! The image of ma face covered in blood made my day... Finally I got myself a wwe look!! More like Austin had in his first blood match against Kane… LOL!! My plain refusal to put stitches on gave me a perfectly shaped scar- that of a water drop.. cool!!

So how about the rest of you, any favorite scars?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Birds of Dusk



Hola amigos...The following post is a very vague attempt by yours' truly to get back from the hopeless track of the previous posts as a lot of my friends had been complaining about its contents being too depressing!! So i jus thought of writing a poem of sorts (which turned out to be crap btw) that is supposed to depict a dusk and hopefully, the dawning in the form of newer posts that will be much more non-depressing!! hehe....

The birds of dusk fill the sky with sound
carried on the air stirred by their joyous flight
the woods resonate with the serenading of tiny tree frogs
Greeting and meeting one another
in their nightly boisterous celebration of life

Another day is torn from the calendar of my life’s pages
its stories scrawled in indelible ink
tucked in between the books that line the library of my mind

Memories fresh become photographs
moments caught for a breath
of laughter and giggles
Framed along the walls of yesterday’s rooms
That are scattered within my soul’s heart-
my quiet place I can reflect
smiling through the images once again
long after time has spent the days
and the glory of the sun has burnt to a glow
fading the smiles, but never the love
that defies the laws of nature and reason.

Monday, February 16, 2009

TRAPPED!!!!


Deprived of almost all kinds of happiness the world could offer, I grew carrying heavy loads upon my shoulder not knowing when will I rest and be freed. [Twenty] years were over and yet I still find myself hanging on the firmament with nowhere to have landing at. I’m dying within. Slowly, these monsters eat my soul, my flesh, and my all.

I long wanted to wake up, believing all was just a dream, an illusion, a nightmare. But I could feel the numbing pain triggered by a slap from my own palm. I am awake, these are not imaginary. I am alive. And no, I can’t take this. All I wanted is to be freed from the bondage of my internal struggles. Missing pieces for all I know are just scattered out there to complete the puzzle of my life. But I am blinded by those inconsistent idiosyncrasies inherent within me, buried deep down my being. I never know of any way to escape from these realities that encroach my normalcy. None ever.

Life inside a box is no surprise. Far beyond what human eyes could see, exists an independent reality that only few can reach, only selected few. Far beyond what mortal mind could perceive lies a blissful living hereafter. But right in front of me is a glass reflecting an unknown being, cut off from his being, torn between life and death — the most misunderstood among the fools. And no single magical word could even break the curse or whatever it may be, that runs along my veins with its objectionable viscosity that soon will clog and leave me down on my grave. Obnoxious. Exasperating.

Vicissitude is all I’m dreaming of. I never wished that I was not born. Though I suffer, I only wanted a change of fortune. And that is how shallow I am. Being thrown at the nadir of existence, a single drop of light, of hope, seems everything to me. Since time immemorial, I have left my physical body into astray, with my soul going nowhere, starring as the vagabond. The keystone to end my quest seems gone for forever. And it’s going to be suicidal finding it! Many believe I am promising and yet I can’t see any reason why they do. All I know is that I’m tired of being here. I straddle between things I love to do and those I must do. It’s hard to drive other people’s vessel. It’s hard to carry the burden not meant for you, maybe inherited or acquired.

After all, I am not clear to you as I am unclear to myself. This is just an expression of loneliness, desperation, and guilt to get rid of unnecessary emotions. I did not intend to could your day. The internal turmoil that haunts me is just one of my nuts to crack. It’s already a bit late into the night for my mother's liking. I just retire from reality and now I’m coming back. All were just exaggerations of one fact: I can do better if I will. I can move on if I will. I am just a stationary escalator at this moment!

(Sorry dear friend happy nuts.... wud keep in mind what u said the next time around... had to post this one too...hehe.. :) )

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I realised.................


No one knows I’m in pain. If only I have wealth, Vicodin would have taken care of this mess.

Sometimes, we see the worst version of ourselves. It’s unbecoming. It’s unacceptable, at least against your own standards, self-imposed.

I have learned lately that being emotional is being self-centered. We always make ourselves the most pitiful, leading role character in the story. A small problem might mean heavier than the world’s.

That was what happened to me exactly. Very erratic, heart-breaking. Sometimes, we expect the world will go our way, but most of the times it will not.

The world is full of cyclamates and saccharine. Sweeteners, but artificial. Once we thought they really are good, but we were just enticed.

Life after firsts...!

There are in life a few moments that explode with the scent of memory as you jostle them in the attic where such things line the dusty aisle...